NEWS:

The 2013 Jazzy Awards – Turkey of the Year – Tiger Woods

Woods tosses his driver on the 18th tee at the Pebble Beach Golf Links during the third round of the Pebble Beach National Pro-Am

Since silly season is upon us, it’s time to turn our attention to the yearly Jay’s Golf Awards, known around here as the Jazzys. We’ll recall all the best and worst of the year while mixing in some new course reviews, Cybergolf pieces, and various holiday bric-a-brac before kicking off the new year with Phish at MSG. We’ll highlighting Best Modern Courses, Best Classic Courses, what great architects are doing, some great writing, and some terrible gaffes as well.

Of course, we kick off the awards the day after Thanksgiving with the Dry Stringy Turkey Award to the Turkey of the Year, in conjunction with our wingman Tony Korologos of the Golf Space, who’ll do his annual Top 10 roundup).

For the third time in five years, Tiger Woods wins the booby prize.

No, Tiger, not those kind of boobies, but thanks for playing…

As I was saying – before our resident horn dog starts treating women like a buffet table again – Tiger pulled a disappearing act worthy of David Blaine this year…when the big moments came, he vanished form the leaderboard faster than you could say Jack Rabbit Slim. Sure, he won five tournaments… but A) he didn’t win a major; B) he was nowhere near contention at three of the four majors – already gone from the course before the leaders teed off; C) He blew a gargantuan FedEx Cup lead and fizzled the last four weeks of the “Playoffs”; D) he was involved in four separate rules flaps that raised a reasonable question as to whether he was intentionally breaking the rules without taking the same penalty other golfers would face; and E) he ruthlessly, crassly, and hypocritically bullied poor Brandel Chamblee.

However, Woods couldn’t disappear from either the cameras or the headlines…and few of the headlines were good. Sure he won five tournaments – four of them early in the year and none in the clutch. Even his win at Sawgrass earns two asterisks: one for the ludicrously bad drop on the 14th hole and another for his bru-ha-ha with Sergio Garcia. Of course many in the media golf media are not only giving Teflon Tiger a free pass because he used to be the straw that stirred the drink, but more because they are preconditioned, afraid of change, and slaves to casual eyeballs/website visits.

…and some people want to give that man the Player of the Year award? I smell a one-sided bromance! To quote R. Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame, Woods wouldn’t even give you the courtesy of a reach-around.

No, while too many in the golf media/broadcasters booth are playing ostrich and burying their heads and credibility in the sand with the same “See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no Evil, Turn their back on the flat-out truth” behavior they exhibited before the sordid sex scandal that showed the rest of the world what a louse Woods really is, investigative journalists are still sifting through the ashes of Woods’s past to remind us about the perils of repeating our mistakes. Here’s Steve Czaban:

Of course, Tiger isn’t a cheater. Nah. The two dozen skanky mistresses were the result of his “sex addiction.” The association with known PED-quack Anthony Galea was pure coincidence.
The four “incidents” this season were only because Tiger is the subject of unfair TV camera scrutiny and a bunch of nosy armchair rules officials at home….Got it….Don’t blow it. Not for this guy. Not with his track record. It’ll be the worst decision you’ve ever made
.”

Then there’s the NY Post’s Maureen Callahan, who reminds us all about what happened exactly what she says happened that night four years ago right now – everything from the fake Tiger outside the Mississippi sex addiction clinic to the bimbos, the lies, the flaming lie about Elin “rescuing” Tiger from the car with the golf club she allegedly creamed him with…on and on and on in loving detail.

And people still want this guy to win? Still think he’s the face of golf? Deserving of more chances? Could possibly be telling the truth about not realizing he was breaking the rules of golf four times? Even though he’s played the game since before he was two years old? Fool us once shame on you, fool us twice, shame on us…

And then he tries to threaten to sue Chamblee for having the stones to tell what Chamblee considered his opinion based on the incontrovertible video evidence? Sorry, Tiger…Fox Sports, ESPN, and panderers and enablers everywhere…the video does not lie, the video does not care, and the video does not spin. In my opinion, Tiger was caught with his pants down again, metaphorically, but just as despicably. We discussed the four alleged cheating flaps in detail here.

So the next time some broadcaster is waxing beatifically about Woods, engaging in vomit-inducing hagiographic hero worship, (and D.H. we are looking straight at you…), just remember this…

Tiger

…or this…

tiger pants down

…or this…

tigerandsanta

I know it’s Thanksgiving…but pardon this turkey? What for? He’ll just strut, gobble, and preen all over again, without earning it, of course.

P.S. Tune into Tony Korologos over at Hooked on Golf for his top 10 turkeys of the year!

PAST WINNERS

2012 Lance Armstrong
2011 – Steve Williams
2010 – Tiger Woods
2009 – Tiger Woods
2008 – ESPN/NFL
2007 – Tom Farrey, ESPN
2006 – Turning Stone Casino

Posted: November 29th, 2013 under Chumps, Lunkheads, Dingbats, PGA Tour, Tiger Woods.
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